You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
