my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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