i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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