please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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