Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
