and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize