I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had to cum in my sink.
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