you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
