508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
