Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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