I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need moral support for this bender
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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