i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
