Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
