No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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