Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
