i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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