laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
