the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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