Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
