I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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