I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
