Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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