I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
