like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
