After last night, I could never be a politician.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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