better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize