I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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