I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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