just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
