Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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