I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
