I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
