She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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