Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
