i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
