meet me or not, i'm out of control
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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