You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the liver wants what the liver wants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
