I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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