Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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