Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
