First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
