How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
