I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
