Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
