Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
