you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
