well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
