k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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