I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
