I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
