Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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