I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
