She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
