Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
