Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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