I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
