Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
