why didn't you poke me back
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize