Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
