you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
