If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
