we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
