like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
