I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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