Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
