Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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