Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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