How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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