She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Terrible idea I love it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
